THE SUMMER OF THE DIABOLICAL HOLOCAUST

I titled this one that because it is pretty representative of how things have been going, despite the fact that of course it is the title of a Darkthrone song I love and I think the same thing about the summer every damn year for that fact alone. This one has really been a doozy... actually the whole year, but with the coming of the summer it seems to be at its apex so far. Within the last month I've taken a fall which resulted in a compression fracture of the T-12 vertebrae in my spine, which means no work, (probably) no more job, and a reversion back to Unemployment Mode for old Curt here (sleeping nine hours +, random eating, too much damn laying around in front of a screen). This seems to have made similar parallels with friends having discs slip in their dog's back, moving to shitholes where they can't find work and not being able to tour, losing their partners and homes, etc. So basically everything has not been so peachy, and I could go further back into the horror of the rest of the year but there's no point in that. This is me being Mr. PMA, and everyone who knows me knows that that ain't me, but I am gonna digress from my usual nihilism (TM name redacted) pessimism (TM Schopenhauer) and cynicism (TM myself) for some reviews of some cool, interesting shit. Get with the love! It's all you got. If you aren't a sewer-dweller like me (or are!), get with some Al Green, some James Brown, some Marvin Gaye and some Smokey Robinson and live it up. But if you need some of the hard stuff, follow on...

AUTOPSY - TOURNIQUETS, HACKSAWS AND GRAVES

Well, what can I say. It's Autopsy. The greatest, dingiest, most completely stoned, doomiest, and most incredibly repulsive and disgusting death metal band of all time -- the one that all other greats bow their heads to in reverence. If you know a death metal band that either A. doesn't like them, or B. doesn't know who they are, then you are probably well out of the league of anyone with taste or talent, and should treat them as such. This isn't as good as their last dive into the maggot-pool, The Headless Ritual (which contained several stone-classics like "She Is A Funeral" and "Coffincrawlers", the latter of which would send anyone who played Splatterhouse on Turbografix-16 or Sega Genesis back in the day into paroxysms of nostalgia) but it's still pretty strong and heavy on the doom influence. I wasn't quite sure about their reformation initially because Abscess had been going well sounding like an Autopsy-that-wasn't-Autopsy but after the last album they convinced me to stick around, and this one does the same. I really can't reiterate it any better: THIS IS DEATH METAL. Give up your 'gravity blasts', your 'slam parts', all the shit that constitutes most modern death metal. These songs have actual atmosphere and I will give that for a thousand other shitty bands and their polished, mosh-it-up material. It may not be as good as Mental Funeral (or even the last album) but it's better than most anything else bearing the name right now. Bow down, Chris Reifert is speaking.

KILLER MIKE - R.A.P. MUSIC

From one extreme to another... I'm not making any apologies to anyone for loving hip hop. You don't like it, FUCK OFF.

Anyway, this album is flat-out awesome. This is the first collaboration, far as I know, between Mike and DJ El-P, mixmaster of great renown. Their collab last year Run the Jewels was quite possibly the best new album I heard all year. That might speak to my burn-out on metal and punk (or the lack of talent screaming through thereof... or both), but they put together something great that built off this album which starts fairly basic and by midway dumps its lyrical politics and social opinions on you in great force, combined with absurd lyrical gangsterism and beats that are at once intricate and dumb as fucking shit. If you listen to the record without a subwoofer you get all the small bits; with, the ridiculous Bass 305 thump of El-P will numb you like a gummy of coke. Smart work and a flag held high for Mike himself, a standard to say what's to come in the future. Which is probably some sick shit to bump in your ride without feeling like an idiot.

The Lariat Rides Again

Over at Ye Olde Death Valley Driver Board we have been discussing the greatness of Stan "The Lariat" Hansen, my favorite wrestler and once upon a time the most destructive force in the history of the sport, so I watched this tonight.

TERRY FUNK VS. STAN HANSEN -- ALL JAPAN PRO WRESTLING -- 9/11/82

This match is absolutely fucking electric. The crowd is rabid from the jump for Terry. He gets in the ring and the look on his face is one of fear and defiance. When Hansen gets in the ring I thought of Clarence Boddicker in Robocop saying "bitches, leave"... then one of the ring girls immediately got bowled over by the two and the serendipity was seamless. Of course they just start beating the hell out of each other and Hansen eventually gets to play "King of the Mountain" as Terry keeps bailing under the onslaught. At one point Hansen kneedrops him a couple times on the back of the head and he gets to do his spastic seizure sell. Eventually control is regained, momentarily, but Hansen is just too much. He snapmares Terry, reels back, and the camera catches this split second moment where Stan's eyes BUG THE FUCK OUT as he launches down into a chinlock. It's priceless. Everything is so tense and chippy in this, with Terry grinding into Stan's face, grabbing the kneepad to trip him, Stan daring him to get into HIS ring and play. Terry falls out of the ring on his face and wildly tosses a chair over the ropes which Stan catches and launches right back at him. After this Joe Higuchi gets knocked down, another ref takes his place and of course the poor dude takes the Lariat which they get a great shot of the guy making this face like someone just hit him in the gut with a 2X4 (which in reality, he just got hit in the clavicle with the human version of a piece of rebar). In the chaos one of the gaijin wrestlers helps hold Terry so Stan can nuke him with the Lariat, Joe recovers and starts counting Terry out on the floor, then realizes what went down and refuses the pinfall, at which point Stan loses it and we get Baba and Jumbo running in after the army of young boys gets mowed down. Stan sneaks out of the ring only to come in and nutshot Jumbo from behind before finally tossing chairs and skulking away while Terry has a stroke on the mat. If you don't like this match, just go find another hobby, take up badminton or something. Also of note is the great banner for Terry: "BITTER ENDER TERRY FUNK TEXAS BRONCO". Judging by his face in much of the match, this felt like the bitter end...

ROSS BAY CULT ETERNAL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAZnHJ9-0EA

Blasphemy are one of many bands that people take an abject obsession to, going so far as to make embroidered bomber jackets with their art on them. I can't say I disagree with them. I bought the original Die Hard version of their reunion live set from NWN! Prod. (#33/666) when I was a kid. There's something nasty, evil, rudimentary, crude, and inherently foul about the sound of Blasphemy that you can't wash out of your mind. Maybe it's the military drum fills, the gross vocals, the fact that they held black masses in the catacombs of the probably haunted Ross Bay Cemetary up in Canada... they just have a vibe that hits the "repulsive metal" bone in people and makes them go apeshit over them. Currently I'm on a run of listening to them almost nonstop and I figured I'd talk about 'em. Fallen Angel of Doom is their least adept release, with some serious mistakes and a sense of looseness that somehow makes the feel of it even more insane. It's like Reek of Putrefaction by Carcass made by Satanic alcoholics, basically. The intros are a rare instance in metal: THEY ACTUALLY WORK! Providing lots of atmosphere and quite well done, they kind of sew the album together between tracks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpkcoWtKDj4

...and here we have the follow-up, the slightly tighter, more coherent Gods of War. The barbaric relentlessness is still in full effect but we lose the muddy production and (some of) the sloppy playing from the previous album. They skipped labels from the extremely dubious Wild Rags to the slightly less dubious JL America (they were based in Indianapolis, what do you expect) but with funding from the great Osmose Productions, who continue to pump out the greatest metal and, on occasion, hardcore punk ever. That pretty much sets the tone for the album really -- a step up, but more horizontal than vertical in nature, with songs recycled from their Blood Upon the Altar demo, which funny enough ended up being bonus tracks on most copies of the album, including this Youtube file. The demo is produced better than the debut (!) but the feel of the disgusting vocals and bass-heavy crunch is missing. Plus "Ritual" is slower. Take your pick.

Anyway, despite the fact that 300,000,000 bands have directly ripped them off, Blasphemy still has the ability to warm the cockles of an underground metal fan's heart years after their grave was raided. There really isn't any exception when it comes to an originator. And your band doesn't have members named Ace Gustapo Necrosleezer and Vaginal Commands or 3 Black Hearts of Damnation and Impurity either, or a black guitarist in a horribly racist scene who knocked out some asshole from Destroyer 666 when the guy asked "what's with the nigger". Blasphemy fuckin rules.

Paul Chain and Violet Theatre

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVC0dJnz-ho

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSBE-KdI_AE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxmSjijpQAA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5Maluflb50

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDLBLvx-fRQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibWVPQmiEO0


Since I posted Black Hole just now I would be remiss to not post some links to the god of Italian doom metal PAUL CHAIN. He was in the band Death SS (meaning In Death of Steve Sylvester, who was the singer) back in the late '70s and eventually quit to go solo, taking several members, after he cut his eye out in a Satanic ritual (!). After that he reportedly went Jehovah's Witness (!!!) but continued to make the darkest and weirdest doom metal of all time, singing in his own self-created phonetic language when other members weren't singing for him. The earliest stuff here is thee darkest and creepiest and very, very foreign... not just to Americans but probably anyone who hasn't experienced the grave itself. Later on he did a lot of LSD-drenched improv guitar stuff, some noise, some organ material and some great doom/stoner rock with members of Cathedral. Check this out first and see what you think. Like the Black Hole there are moments of sheer '80s metal (especially "Electroshock" where he actually gets thrashy) but the great deal of it is grim as hell. "I remember a black mass..."

- Curt

Black Hole - Land of Mystery

http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=tlkPxq1BZaE

Found this album again on a tape after not hearing it for a couple years. Some obscure Italian doom metal from '85 with droning organs, weird changes that are somewhere between Trouble and a prog band, and a general old metal vibe that matches up with greats from the same country like the incredible Paul Chain (and early Death SS, natch) and the only slightly less incredible Dark Quarterer. Best enjoyed with a full bowl, darkened lights, and an open window. Or just in your car with shades on looking at an awesomely overcast skyline.

- Curt

A few more things

If some of that comes off as incoherent with me referencing other people, the whole thing was written for and on the Death Valley Driver Review message board, so take in mind. I am not insane and writing about people who don't exist. I swear...

http://www.deathvalleydriver.com

More to come: show reviews, film reviews, rants and raves, etc. Hope you dig it!

- Curt

LUCHA SET DISC 10

El Brazo, Brazo Del Oro y Brazo Del Plata vs. Hombre Bala, Pirata Morgan y El Verdugo (10/27/89)

Yep, this is pretty workrate-y, and it drags in spots (especially at the start of tercera caida) but it's a very entertaining introduction to los Brazos. A young, spry Super Porky is just the best. His charisma is so natural -- no one expects him to do the things he does -- and he uses it to a tee. The spot with him falling on all three Bucaneros, covering them up for a pin during an elaborate three-man submission, the monkey flips... it's amazing. Not like anyone else here was a slouch either. The first dive was probably the best and craziest and sadly wasn't topped. There was also a part where two of the guys did I believe a monkey flip spot and then did it IN REVERSE. That said this is what it is, a technical spotfest that feels like it falls in the dead middle of the pack. I would have liked to see at least a little hate to build to the next matches between these guys.

El Brazo, Brazo Del Oro y Brazo Del Plata vs. Hombre Bala, Pirata Morgan y El Verdugo (Super Libre) (11/10/89)

I dig the feeling of the tide turning in the second fall because los Bucaneros got clowned through the whole first. And what a clowning it was! They open with Porky splatting Morgan in the corner and I said out loud to myself "just end the fall now". He proceeds to die several more times, they repeat the Plata deadfall splash from the last match, Verdugo channels Johnny Valentine falling face first on the mat and all three of them scuttle like roaches to escape further abuse. Tremendous. After he falls to the fat of Porky again (with the great image of them dragging him off to the corner) they decide to bring the pain. Bala's all "you fucked with my brother" and he whoops the piss out of Porky. That is some stiff shit for lucha. Then they isolate Brazo and he's bleeding like a stuck pig. We get a repeat of all of the Brazos spots from the last match but Bucaneros add in their own that we didn't see yet to balance it out. Ending is kind of weak but goddamn, what a match this was.

Pirata Morgan vs. Brazo De Oro (11/17/89)

I wasn't too hyped to see this when I read it was a clean title match, I wanted hate and blood, guess that comes next match. Still it's perfectly fine stuff. Pirata's subtle cheating and more than that his selling are the best. Things get suspenseful in the final fall with both guys having damaged legs, which doesn't stop Oro from busting out a huge plancha that has him sliding down Morgan's torso like a slip'n'slide. Emilio Charles is a good second and earns his stripes by eating a Morgan tope (and having the funny Marlboro logo towel). Oro keeps hurting his knee with ill-advised offensive moves and finally Morgan locks in a Cobra Clutch, slowly falls back with it and twists which looks nasty enough for the chokeout win. I would have preferred him going back to the legs but it looked like a legit finisher. Not sure where this fits into the big title fights picture right now but it was solid.

El Brazo y Brazo De Plata vs. Hombre Bala, El Verdugo (Hair vs. Hair) (11/17/89)

Let's see if this is what I've been waiting for. I'm already psyched because los Brazos are wearing the Japanese headbands and Porky doesn't even raise his hand when he's announced, he just stares ahead stoically, ready for the fight. Of course the rudos jump immediately for the beatdown. It isn't long before the red red krovvy starts flowing and Hombre Bala is spitting it in the air like his brother. When Brazo first blades there is this awesome shot of him puffing his cheeks out and the blood dripping onto his arm which is even better than the spitting. It looks so dramatic. He gets back on offense while Verdugo takes a tumble into the seats and Brazos take it with two splashes and a cool senton assist from Brazo onto Porky's own back. Tercera is high speed fun with everyone just bringing it, including five huge dives (Porky apron splash vs. Bala rolling senton is the question of which is best). Brazo finally steps it up to win with a pair of rollups and one guy literally jumps out of his seat at the three-count. He weeps and crosses himself while Porky raises dollar bills to the sky in celebration. Fuck, you can just end the set now, that would be such a great note to go out on. Then Porky brings presumably his daughter into the ring and raises her up while the rudos get shaved, to make it even better. This will go irrationally high for me.

Emilio Charles Jr., MS-1 y Tierra, Viento y Fuego vs. Atlantis, El Dandy y Mascara Sagrada (11/24/89)

I like the simple, hateful open of two guys piefacing each other, gradually leading up to pushing and then confrontation. TVF sells a Dandy punch like a spastic. In fact, everyone's selling each other's strikes like world-beaters. The part where Dandy sidesteps MS-1 to sucker punch Charles is just the best, it reminded me of Kawaka kicking Misawa off the apron. I also love Charles ducking two huge swings from Dandy only to bail and give up the fall. If I was his partners I'd be pissed, they just got beat in technical fashion and now this guy turns chickenshit. In fact they do seem pissed! Atlantis countering a backdrop into a hiptoss while him and MS run the ropes is just a thing of beauty. The yin to that yang, of course, is Dandy pissing blood out of his head while Charles beats the shit out of him. You know it's heated when Dandy is kicking back from the floor. Finally he gets one good lick in, the tide turns and he goes all "DIE CHARLES DIE". However, Charles gets in the wheelbarrow slam reversal and it's all over. This was one of the great feud-building tags on the set that feels like it might be better than the blowoff. Also, someone needs to count how many times these guys fall out through the bottom ropes, it's got to be over a dozen.

El Dandy vs. Emilio Charles Jr. (12/1/89)

Matwork at the start is fast and furious with the first fall having a good callback to the last match as Dandy loses to the same wheelbarrow slam thing. I'm getting behind the idea that these guys can beat the shit out of each other all they want, but for the belt they need to prove it as tecnicos. Short segunda and some clipping, then we get a long figure four spot with Dandy in agony. Ref has to break the hold and Charles looks like an angry Lou Ferrigno. Then he goes into the Scorpion to increase the pain. Dandy mashes some fans after a dive and this is just kind of rambling along. Am I crazy or does Dandy bust out a Tazmission here? They go back and forth some more until it looks like Dandy eats floor off a tope suicida. Finally Dandy wins with la Magistral, which is a good end for the kind of match they were bringing to the table. Still, it wasn't awesome or anything. The first fall cut a good pace but they couldn't get out of second gear for the rest, and it suffered from what I see as the lucha psychology of "try something, that doesn't work, just try something else".

Fuerza Guerrera y Rocky Star vs. All Star y El Hijo Del Santo + Fuerza Guerrera vs. Rocky Star (12/1/89)

Fuerza really threw me off with his mask, that is NOT the same and I've never seen him wear anything different. Maybe that's just me not seeing much of his work or this is a crazy one-off. I guess he's trying to color-coordinate with Rocky Star which is a bad idea. This is a bunch of tepid brawling which especially doesn't mean much when you know one of the two Stars is losing their mask and neither is very good. Rocky busts out a good tope which I guess is a mark in his book. Actually everyone minus Fuerza bust out a dive so at least they're trying, plus there is some mask ripping which I don't really care for without any blood. Wait, is Rocky bleeding? I can't tell. We get another sideboard posting and I am happy to see that happen one last time on the set. God, the crowd really doesn't give a shit about this match. Neither should you. I have the feeling that Rocky Star lost his mask because he had to pay off a gambling debt and Fuerza said "it's cool bro, I'll get the seamstress to make me a similar getup, maybe they'll even throw us some pesos". Then he turns into a complete dick and rips the mask off himself because the bookies told him to.

Pirata Morgan vs. Ken Timbs (12/8/89)

This is like someone spliced Pirata Morgan into a mid-late Global main event. Don't tell me Blondy doesn't fit right in with the likes of the Davis Brothers or Hollywood John Tatum. Morgan would have had a better match with Raven or even Buff Bagwell. I had more fun writing this than I did watching the match.

Fuerza Guerrera vs. El Hijo Del Santo vs. All Star (Mask Match) (12/8/89)

So the rules are, everyone has a coin toss, Santo and Fuerza win and All Star gets whoever survives their singles match. You already know who's going to lose as in the previous Relevos match on this disc so your mileage may vary. I don't see the heel Santo stuff, is there something I'm missing? I didn't really feel it even in his definitive heel turn against Casas later on either. We get a short fall where Santo falls to his own finisher and then get with the mask ripping and blood. Sadly the crowd can't very ignited for this and neither could I. Fuerza does his schtick but it's all for naught. Finally we get Santo coming back to face All Star (goddamn these are some weird rules) and apparently they are working this 2/3 falls as well. Santito submits to one of the few Tapatias on the set, which is nice to see. Then we get back to All Star biting and doing his shitty heel work. He will murder people flying into the crowd which is always nice. Damn, I guess the crowd really doesn't like Santo, this is strange. I think it's a Cena reaction, to coin a term. There is a really horrible spot where Santito barely runs into the turnbuckles and sells it and now I feel like the crowd turning on the match. Then, wow, we get a poor countout finish but el Hijo turns into a complete asshole kicking the shit out of All Star, trying to rile up the crowd, and acting like a fucker during the de-masking. That alone is worth watching even if the match itself isn't. That is a heel turn, you actually feel like the guy's real attitude is showing all of the sudden and he is just a prick. Good job ending the set on that.

DISC 10

1. El Brazo y Brazo De Plata vs. Hombre Bala, El Verdugo (Hair vs. Hair) (11/17/89)
2. Emilio Charles Jr., MS-1 y Tierra, Viento y Fuego vs. Atlantis, El Dandy y Mascara Sagrada, (11/24/89)
3. El Brazo, Brazo Del Oro y Brazo Del Plata vs. Hombre Bala, Pirata Morgan y El Verdugo (Super Libre) (11/10/89)
4. El Brazo, Brazo Del Oro y Brazo Del Plata vs. Hombre Bala, Pirata Morgan y El Verdugo (10/27/89)
5. Pirata Morgan vs. Brazo De Oro (11/17/89)
6. El Dandy vs. Emilio Charles Jr. (12/1/89)
7. Fuerza Guerrera vs. El Hijo Del Santo vs. All Star (Mask Match) (12/8/89)
8. Fuerza Guerrera y Rocky Star vs. All Star y El Hijo Del Santo + Fuerza Guerrera vs. Rocky Star (12/1/89)
9. Pirata Morgan vs. Ken Timbs (12/8/89)

Obviously the Brazos disc and they deliver in spades, with #1 being an easy top five pick for me. We also get more Dandy vs. Charles action and of course los Bucaneros acquit themselves expertly as the foils for los Brazos. Morgan/Timbs was the pits and will probably be next-to-last in my rankings and dead last for most. A lopsided disc but the treats are super sweet.