The Lariat Rides Again

Over at Ye Olde Death Valley Driver Board we have been discussing the greatness of Stan "The Lariat" Hansen, my favorite wrestler and once upon a time the most destructive force in the history of the sport, so I watched this tonight.

TERRY FUNK VS. STAN HANSEN -- ALL JAPAN PRO WRESTLING -- 9/11/82

This match is absolutely fucking electric. The crowd is rabid from the jump for Terry. He gets in the ring and the look on his face is one of fear and defiance. When Hansen gets in the ring I thought of Clarence Boddicker in Robocop saying "bitches, leave"... then one of the ring girls immediately got bowled over by the two and the serendipity was seamless. Of course they just start beating the hell out of each other and Hansen eventually gets to play "King of the Mountain" as Terry keeps bailing under the onslaught. At one point Hansen kneedrops him a couple times on the back of the head and he gets to do his spastic seizure sell. Eventually control is regained, momentarily, but Hansen is just too much. He snapmares Terry, reels back, and the camera catches this split second moment where Stan's eyes BUG THE FUCK OUT as he launches down into a chinlock. It's priceless. Everything is so tense and chippy in this, with Terry grinding into Stan's face, grabbing the kneepad to trip him, Stan daring him to get into HIS ring and play. Terry falls out of the ring on his face and wildly tosses a chair over the ropes which Stan catches and launches right back at him. After this Joe Higuchi gets knocked down, another ref takes his place and of course the poor dude takes the Lariat which they get a great shot of the guy making this face like someone just hit him in the gut with a 2X4 (which in reality, he just got hit in the clavicle with the human version of a piece of rebar). In the chaos one of the gaijin wrestlers helps hold Terry so Stan can nuke him with the Lariat, Joe recovers and starts counting Terry out on the floor, then realizes what went down and refuses the pinfall, at which point Stan loses it and we get Baba and Jumbo running in after the army of young boys gets mowed down. Stan sneaks out of the ring only to come in and nutshot Jumbo from behind before finally tossing chairs and skulking away while Terry has a stroke on the mat. If you don't like this match, just go find another hobby, take up badminton or something. Also of note is the great banner for Terry: "BITTER ENDER TERRY FUNK TEXAS BRONCO". Judging by his face in much of the match, this felt like the bitter end...

ROSS BAY CULT ETERNAL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAZnHJ9-0EA

Blasphemy are one of many bands that people take an abject obsession to, going so far as to make embroidered bomber jackets with their art on them. I can't say I disagree with them. I bought the original Die Hard version of their reunion live set from NWN! Prod. (#33/666) when I was a kid. There's something nasty, evil, rudimentary, crude, and inherently foul about the sound of Blasphemy that you can't wash out of your mind. Maybe it's the military drum fills, the gross vocals, the fact that they held black masses in the catacombs of the probably haunted Ross Bay Cemetary up in Canada... they just have a vibe that hits the "repulsive metal" bone in people and makes them go apeshit over them. Currently I'm on a run of listening to them almost nonstop and I figured I'd talk about 'em. Fallen Angel of Doom is their least adept release, with some serious mistakes and a sense of looseness that somehow makes the feel of it even more insane. It's like Reek of Putrefaction by Carcass made by Satanic alcoholics, basically. The intros are a rare instance in metal: THEY ACTUALLY WORK! Providing lots of atmosphere and quite well done, they kind of sew the album together between tracks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpkcoWtKDj4

...and here we have the follow-up, the slightly tighter, more coherent Gods of War. The barbaric relentlessness is still in full effect but we lose the muddy production and (some of) the sloppy playing from the previous album. They skipped labels from the extremely dubious Wild Rags to the slightly less dubious JL America (they were based in Indianapolis, what do you expect) but with funding from the great Osmose Productions, who continue to pump out the greatest metal and, on occasion, hardcore punk ever. That pretty much sets the tone for the album really -- a step up, but more horizontal than vertical in nature, with songs recycled from their Blood Upon the Altar demo, which funny enough ended up being bonus tracks on most copies of the album, including this Youtube file. The demo is produced better than the debut (!) but the feel of the disgusting vocals and bass-heavy crunch is missing. Plus "Ritual" is slower. Take your pick.

Anyway, despite the fact that 300,000,000 bands have directly ripped them off, Blasphemy still has the ability to warm the cockles of an underground metal fan's heart years after their grave was raided. There really isn't any exception when it comes to an originator. And your band doesn't have members named Ace Gustapo Necrosleezer and Vaginal Commands or 3 Black Hearts of Damnation and Impurity either, or a black guitarist in a horribly racist scene who knocked out some asshole from Destroyer 666 when the guy asked "what's with the nigger". Blasphemy fuckin rules.